Shaving Hair & Raising Money

Straight up I'm going to make it clear that I'm on Day 5 after the first chemotherapy and the brain fog is very real; this update today is very far from a literary masterpiece.

All things considered, the 6.5 hours in the hospital receiving 4 different drug infusions, went rather well. The Chris O'Brien cancer clinic in Sydney is a gift to cancer patients as it presents a bright, positive and relatively comforting space to be getting treatment.

I entered the hospital that morning on a high, having just done a good morning jog after the oncology team made it clear that exercise helps treatment results and symptoms.

I also left the hospital in the afternoon on a high, artificially propped up by sheer relief, steroids and anti-nausea medication. It felt odd to be hungry and happy, two things I did not think to expect. I was tired yes, but nothing compared to how I feel today.

The say it's like the tiredness is in your bones.

Yep, that's exactly how it feels.

Am trying to keep moving, keep warm, keep calm and grounded.

One foot in front of the other.

Rest when I need to.

But how real is that with a toddler and two dogs?!

The other symptoms? Joint pains, sensitive skin, everything tastes metallic..

It's bad, but I'm very aware it will only get worse. Up and down; but cumulatively worse.

But I didn't come on here to complain today. This update is about gratitude.

Because something happened this week that have left me/my family entirely humbled.

A handful of my closest friends or 'breast' friends for short, have ignored me entirely and gone ahead to set up a fundraising page offering us direct financial support.

Camilla, Katy, Christine, Charlotte L, Charlotte P, I cannot thank you enough. It's a level of kindness I truly do not feel deserving of and will seek to return back to the world ten fold.

My Husband has written a personal thank you note to the people who have donated on this site, which says it much better than I can, but the impact it has had on our situation cannot be overstated. We've been able to move on from conversations about selling our home to being able to focus on the treatment and healing needed at this time.

We are blown away. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you, angels.

A few other shoutouts. Nic Watkins, for bringing us meals and jokes. The team at R.M.Williams for the most wonderful care package I ever did see. Just wow. Ben, Sarah and Robbie for just being consistently in touch and not expecting a reply. Jaana, Vanessa, Mark, Amy, Lachlan, Danielle, the list goes on... My mum, for unwavering support. My brother/sister in law for always asking how I feel. And without a doubt, my Husband who is showing up in every best way possible. My absolute rock.

With the tiny brain bandwidth I have right now, I can admit that it may truly be one of the first times in my life I've ever had to rely on others around me. That I can't just bear the burden and get on and do it myself. It's uncomfortable to admit I need all this support, whether it's financial or physical or emotional. I am sorry to those I've left to fill in the gaps, but all I can do is acknowledge it for now and say, I will make it up to you.

To wrap it up, on Thursday this week I'll be shaving my head. It has already started to fall out and being able to take control now will be a welcome relief. I'm sure it is the right thing to do, being able to raise money for the World's Greatest Shave is a great silver lining, but I'm naturally nervous, worried about what people will think of me.

There's nothing to be done now except to just get it done.

See y'all on the other side.

Em